We are a little more than halfway through our pregnancy (almost to the 3rd trimester) with our eagerly awaited little one. I realize that I haven’t shared a ton about this pregnancy journey and I’ve been meaning to, time has just gotten away from me. Understandably, this pregnancy has been such an emotional roller coaster for me…starting with shock.

After 15 months of waiting, wondering, and praying I had just recently come to a place of peace with where we were (read more about that journey here), so I won’t lie I was completely surprised to see that double line on a pregnancy test. I knew I was late, but that wasn’t unusual over the last year and I had taken so many tests in the past it was just out of habit that I took one. Phil just laughed when I told him; he wasn’t quite expecting it then, but throughout our journey he had grown more certain that it would happen sooner than we thought.

I am absolutely thrilled for this beautiful new life growing inside of me and after the initial shock I was excited, but it also didn’t take long for anxiety and fear to come in. I felt like I was reliving my last pregnancy-it was different; yet every pain, every twinge I would fill with fear and anxiety. I actually had a lot of pain similar to when I miscarried last pregnancy (read more here) and I was so shocked and relieved at each appointment when they kept telling me everything looked good. Looking back, God may have been allowing (and still allowing) some of that pain, to help keep my eyes constantly focused on Him and choosing to lean into Him when the future seems uncertain.

This pregnancy has provided for continuous opportunities to pray; to give our little one over to the Lord, and to ask him to increase my trust in him. To remind me that He is good and that no matter what he loves me and this baby. I have heard from multiple moms that the fears and anxieties that I have are perfectly normal for pregnancy after loss; and that some women continue to experience those even after multiple subsequent deliveries.

One of the most beautiful parts of this journey is watching our daughter, Isa, as she eagerly anticipates the arrival of her little brother. Yes, a boy-which you most likely know if you follow our journey. But all three of us were shocked when we first found out. We all thought it was a girl. For probably 10 months Isabel had been praying EVERY night and sometimes multiple times throughout the day for God to send us a baby. At some point during that time, Isa’s second cousin had a baby sister and after meeting the baby Isa asked me “Mama why did God give her a baby and not me?”

While trying not to choke up, I explained that I don’t always even understand how God works…but God is good and God is faithful. God knows our hearts desires and he hears our prayers. Sometimes God says Yes to our requests, sometimes the answer is no, and sometimes the answer might be not yet. I told her to trust God and to keep praying; and man did she. Phil and I got to experience the faith of a child firsthand. She prayed without ceasing, always believing, to the point that she once threw a fit in a store because she insisted we need to buy her baby something because “I prayed Mama and God is sending our baby on the way” (I wasn’t pregnant yet, but it wasn’t much long after).

Phil said when God did answer, it would most likely be because of her prayers, because she never once doubted that he would come through. And I’ll be honest…I did doubt. In the middle of the process, I did not know if I would ever be writing this blog. I know that may seem silly to someone who hasn’t walked it. Knowing I’ve gotten pregnant before, knowing that I already have a little one, knowing that I am still young and have many years left of being able to get pregnant. But if you have walked the journey, you most likely understand that uncertainty, the anxiety, and the pain of loss (or what may have been). But here we are…and I am so thankful for each day that I get to carry this VERY active little one.

From the time we have told Isa (around 11 weeks) she has been over the moon. She has asked so many questions about babies and birth that we’ve done a (4 year old level) dive into anatomy and have learned about “mumblical chords” and “ultersounds”, stomachs and uteruses being separate organs, and so many other things. She gets positively giddy if she feels brother kick and tells him about how she is going to push him in the stroller, and snuggle him, and read stories to him. I’m tearing up as I write this. I never imagined having kiddos so far apart, but it’s been also incredible to see her excitement and desire to be involved at her age. At first, we were nervous she would be disappointed that he was a boy, but one of the first things she said was “Mama, it will be like Miriam and Moses!” (her current favorite Bible story; previously it was Joseph. It was as if her little heart knew before we actually knew). We are so excited to see her grow as a big sister.

I remember thinking about how incredible it was to be growing another human inside of me when I was pregnant with Isabel, but this pregnancy has been on a whole new level for me. I have such a deeper appreciation for the miracle of life and the creative and incredible ways that God brings new life into the world. Each little kick and movement I feel is a reminder to thank him for this sweet little one. And also a reminder of how incredibly blessed we have been to be surrounded by so many who covered us in prayer, who believed when I had doubts, and who have already supported us on this journey. This pregnancy has been such a beautiful reminder pointing me to Him, to my incredible family, and to the incredible community that surrounds us.

Samuel 1:27 “For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him.”

Beach Photos By: Danielle Trista Photography