Dear Mama,
If you are in the midst of raising littles I wish I could sit down with you over a big cup of coffee and chat with you…because chances are you’ve had moments (or even a season) of feeling like you are drowning, you are completely alone, and or you are at your wits end with knowing what to do. I’d shed some tears with you, give you a big hug and pray with you.
Because I’ve been there and a few weeks ago, I was reminded how many moms walk through this. I was at the mom’s group at my church and we were sitting together sharing prayer requests. A very good friend of mine, with multiple littles, started to cry and say how she feels like she totally has failed and screwed up her children and how she is worried that their behavior was out of control. She expressed how alone she felt. And I want to address this…because so many of us have been there (or will be if you aren’t yet)!
My first thought was that…I get that feeling of being completely alone. Do you?
I think most of us have been there. And especially in the season of mothering with young children we can become very isolated. But I also know that this is a complete LIE. The verse that comes to mind when I feel alone in my situation is Ecclesaiastes 1:9 “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun…” It reminds me, that no situation or no feeling is completely new. Feeling alone and isolated is exactly where Satan wants us.
Mama if you feel alone, I get it. But don’t allow yourself to succumb to it.
He wants us to feel alone and isolated, because that’s when we will be at our most vulnerable and weakest. And this is where I want to stress-how important our church body and community is. We need our village, in all seasons of our faith journey, but especially in motherhood as we are raising other little beings. James 5: 16 says “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” And I think this also applies to our feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and feeling like a failure as mothers. Coming together and sharing together, praying together and encouraging one another; doing life together.
Note: This might feel discouraging to some moms, because maybe you don’t have that community or village and it’s not by choice that you feel isolated and alone. I have been there and all I can say is that Jesus hears your desires and your heart. I would encourage you to reach out to your church or look for one that has a mom’s group or some other young moms in that congregation, while knowing that it might take some time to find your people. It did for me. Keep praying for that community and when opportunities arise reach out, connect with, and offer support to other moms that cross your path.
Next, since the fall, every one of us, as humans, are born sinners. Our children are born into a sinful world and very shortly into their lives you will see that sin come out. Just because you don’t see it in someone else’s child does not mean it isn’t there…they might not be in the same season anymore or it might not show up in front of you. Romans 3:23 says “For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” That includes our little ones.
My mother-in-law has encouraged me that it is actually a GOOD thing when those behaviors come out in our children. Then we can deal with that sin and help our child work through it…it’s the kiddos that are very well behaved that can be trickier, because they still have sin in their hearts, it may just be harder to spot. Dealing with those behaviors can be so hard, especially if they are sins that we ourselves struggle with. Addressing those sins, being consistent and pointing our children to their need for Jesus is what will be most important in the discipling and disciplining of our little ones. While also know that you won’t handle everything perfectly and you WILL mess up.
At times you WILL FAIL your child. But Jesus.
If we never messed up and did everything perfectly as mothers, what need would we have for Jesus? The ins and outs of motherhood is actually the perfect front row seat for our children to see their (and OUR) need for a savior. Children don’t need perfect mothers. They need Mamas that point them to Jesus, that and see how Jesus works through and brings transformation through our brokenness. They need us to be willing to apologize when we mess up, to explain things when we are able to, and to show them grace as we explain that God also shows us grace.
This may be a lot for you to chew on.
Motherhood isn’t easy, it isn’t supposed to be. As one of my favorite author’s often says: Hard is Not the Same thing as Bad. It is a sanctification process and an opportunity for our children-who are also sinners- to see, the grace and love that Jesus has for them, through us. And remember that you are NOT alone, do not listen to those lies from Satan! And do not try to do this on your own-seek the Lord, pray for community and be that community and encouragement for other Mamas!
Love,
Another Mama
Lauren,
Great encouragement for Mom’s. We can never be perfect. But in this life we can be Christ like and acknowledge our need of a Savior who gave His All. We need to love, give grace and forgive. We forget that. This applies to grandparents and great grandparents